Menstruating During the Holidays

Ideas for what to do when it’s your time of the month during that time of the year

🔈A podcast version of this essay is also available here.

It’s cranberry juice.

This newsletter started out largely as a place to talk about the menstrual cycle and cyclical living.

Along the way I broadened my focus to include many more of life’s cycles—I’m fascinated by them all so I wanted to talk about them all! But that does mean that the menstrual cycle took a bit of a back seat for a while there. My relationship to my own menstrual cycle has also been shifting lately, which has had me rethinking how I want to talk about it here.

But today I’m bringing menstruation talk back. Namely, how we can bleed—that is, menstruate or have a “period”—well in the midst of the holidays. I think this is an important topic that, unsurprisingly, no one is saying a word about. Those of us who are trying to live with rather than against or, seemingly, in spite of our menstrual cycles might find this a particularly challenging part of the year. Or, even if cyclical living isn’t top of mind generally for you, who doesn’t want to have as good a period as possible during this potentially frantic season with so much to do, so many places to be.

It’s tricky though, isn’t it? In the model of cyclical living¹, the menstrual phase of the cycle is talked about as a time of turning inward, slowing down, reflecting, resting, and caring for yourself. For most of us, those are all things the holidays are not.

And yet, I believe our bodies still have certain needs at this point in the cycle (at all points, really). Without those needs being met in some fashion, living in this part of the cycles can be difficult, more difficult than it needs to be. Plus there’s a trickle down effect. The way we move through menstruation can also set the tone for the rest of our cycle.

Considering the holiday season now spans a month or more, chances are a lot of us will menstruate sometime during this season. So how can we do that well?

A note on language and scope: I prefer the word “bleed” to “period,” because menstruation is not the end of a sentence. “Period” has always struck me as trite, evasive, and weirdly not reflective of the nature of the thing it is describing. I also want to say that PMDD, dysmenorrhea, and endometriosis are beyond my scope of knowledge and experience. So they are not well address here due to my limitations. And they deserve to be addressed well.

What we’re dealing with

Within the inner seasons model of the menstrual cycle, the time of menstruation is seen as the “inner winter.”² That is to say, the state of your hormones, energy, physicality, and energetics takes on a sort of wintery vibe. Consider what images and feelings that conjures up for you. If you’re experiencing an external winter, what might you need or want? How might an internal winter affect you then?

Physiologically, menstruation is the time when estrogen and progesterone are at their lowest. The uterus is subtly contracting to release the lining it had been growing for the past roughly two weeks. You might be losing about seven to ten teaspoons of blood, or more.³ Prostaglandins—which are a hormone-like substances that create inflammation—have been increasing in the body since shortly before the first few spots of blood. They increase vasoconstriction (narrowing of blood vessels) and are responsible for the contracting uterus. And so we experience: cramping, headaches, fatigue, bloating, abdominal and/or back pain, joint pain, sore tits, mood shifts, cravings, and more.

Here in December it’s all that on top of holiday parties, shopping, baking, cooking, increased workloads, nutty traffic, winter weather, kiddos on holiday/on sugar, and whatever other stresses and frivolity you have going on.

It’s a lot. So let’s talk about adaptions we can make for menstruating during the holidays.

Tend to the pain

First thing’s first: the potential physical experience. There is, of course, always your analgesic (pain relief) of choice. Personally, I like to avoid pharmaceutical pain relief if I can because I find it affects ovulation.⁴ Instead, I use mainly heat to sooth my menstrual cramps. Even if you take pain medication, some warmth can also be helpful. How’s a person to do that when there are holiday festivities to prepare for and attend, or increased holiday workloads?

• Portable heat

  You might try a pair of Nyssa’s period undies that come with a pocket for an insertable microwave heat pack (which can also be chilled). You can wear this whilst around the house or—if you have access to a microwave—out and about. They also have a stick on version that you can have on hand.

• Soothing salves

  Another option is an herbal cramp salve, like this one.

• Skip the heels and tight clothes

  As your bleed starts, choose comfortable shoes that don’t have a heel. Really, this is better for you all the time, but I think it’s particularly good during your bleed to be mindful of how heeled shoes affect your pelvic alignment. Also pick clothes that won’t restrict blood flow or the expansion of your diaphragm so you can take nice big, deep breaths. Basically I’m advocating for big cozy sweaters, comfy pants, and heel-less shoes for the duration of your menstrual cycle, no matter what event you’re going to. Be kind to your body when you dress it. It makes a difference.

• Do what you need to do

  I believe that one of the ways we change the conversation around menstrual cycles (that is, making it a valid, intelligent, forthright conversation that can be had freely by all, anywhere, all the time) is by casually making what we’re experiencing as menstruation people visible to everyone. We needn’t get in anyone’s face to prove a point. Let’s just not hide the reality of it. And so, if you need your heating pad or hot water bottle and you’re going to a party, take your chosen source of warm comfort along. Get your snacks and drink and settle in with it on your abdomen. Right there, sitting next to the tree in your friend’s living room. I think it’s important to take care of yourself as you need to be taken care of. If anyone asks, just say “I’m cramping,” and I’ll bet the person will either shrug and move on or you’ve just created a point of honest connection. And really, isn’t honesty and connection all we really want for Christmas?

Heating pad by the tree

Creating a bold yet realistic plan

The cyclical living, red tent menstruation cocoon dream that lasts days is, for many people, just that—a dream. Life and society are not set up to support that even in non-holiday times, sadly. So please know that that’s not what I’m assuming is possible.

But I think it is possible to intentionally acknowledge what your body is doing as it bleeds and what it needs as it goes through this release.

Before you start bleeding, ask yourself what is possible. Could you take fifteen minutes, a half hour, an hour, half a day, to be present with your bleeding body? Can you do that on the first day of your bleed, or will it need to be later on? Will you do it in the morning, afternoon, or evening? Or can you weave awareness and care into small moments throughout your menstruation? Identify what you can likely, reasonably do that would be supportive to your own body.

Carve out slow & quiet

In my experience, the holidays are the antithesis of slow. Here are a few ideas for how you can tap into stillness and calm.

• Claim the slowness

  Is there anywhere in your life that you can go slower during menstruation? Even if it’s small. Can you walk a little slower on the first day of your bleed? Can you slow down and roll the cookie dough out more mindfully? Can you sit and take three deep breaths between each gift you wrap? I know this seems like not much, but it’s saying to your body: I acknowledge what is happening now. I’m present with it. Try slowing down even for a moment and listening. There’s nothing to be lost by cultivating more awareness about your bodily experience.

• Opt out of the hustle and bustle, tune into something else

  Put in earplugs or noise canceling earbuds to block out the shouty holiday tunes. Maybe create a “antidote” playlist with songs that bring you back into your body or cultivate a felt sense of calm inner winter.

• Sit in the dark

  The holidays do have one thing going for it in this time: Christmas lights. There’s nothing like turning off all other lights and sitting quietly by a lit up Christmas tree. (With your phone off and away.) There was one holiday season where that was the only place I found peace. Every evening, I rolled out my yoga mat in front of the tree, put in earbuds for some calming fiddle music, and did my practice there. Every night, I poured tears: a release.

• Focus on your body, not the screen (just for a few minutes)

  See what ten, fifteen, twenty minutes of time off your screen and with your body can do. Light a candle, settle in, and check in with your five senses and the area of action (your pelvic bowl). Or maybe find a good work of fiction to end or begin your day with instead of your phone.⁵

• Find when you can be alone

  Many of us crave inward reflection and alone time during menstruation, which doesn’t blend well with the holiday season.

  I took a class with fertility awareness educator Gabrielle Jansen⁶ some time back, and she had a really wonderful idea for the menstrual phase. For those of us who deeply need alone time during menstruation but cannot seem to find it, Gabrielle recommended getting it whilst we sleep. If you have a partner or kiddos you share a bed with, maybe try sleeping alone in a guest room or on the couch during this time. Give the gift of aloneness to yourself whilst you sleep. Then, if you can, wake up on your own time, without the input of bedfellow who rises early.

  If you’re able to plan ahead, can you schedule the more solitary holiday tasks for the time of your bleed? Maybe like wrapping gifts, baking or finishing the shopping. New projects and hard deadlines are not recommended for menstruation, if you can help it. (And if you can’t, support yourself in other ways.)

Drink warm things, plan your food, & eat soup

• Some drinks are not your friend

  I’m sorry; I’m gonna say it. Alcohol and coffee are not the kindest to our reproductive systems in this time. Maybe consider forgoing these just for a little while, especially the day before and first day of your bleed. They are inflammatory and menstruation is naturally an inflammation rich state. A break might do you good. But also I totally understand if you ignore this advice.

• Warming spices

  You might also opt for some drinks with warming, anti-inflammatory spices. Like golden milk, with turmeric. Or chai, with its cinnamon and ginger. Personally, I’m making some fresh ginger root tea with a little oat milk, honey and cardamom—all the time, not just during my bleed.

• Plan ahead for a nourishing, comforting meal

  For that first day of your bleed, can you prepare a cozy meal ahead of time or ask a partner or friend to make something specific for you? This way you aren’t expending energy on cooking. “Blood building” foods are recommended here, ones containing lots of fiber, magnesium, iron and zinc. I’m thinking a chili or nice pot of soup with bone broth, veggies, grass fed beef or bison (if you do that), beans, and a whole grain. Ramen and Borscht are great options here too.

  You could also prepare ahead of time some period specific snacks. Maybe a mix of fiber and omega-3 rich nuts and seeds, and chocolate “for magnesium.”

When you were hoping your bleed wouldn’t come

If your bleed comes and you’re in the process of trying to conceive, firstly, I’m so sorry. This is never easy, and this season makes it so much harder. I hope you will find a way to do exactly what you need to do and that you have support.

Jade Brooke-Langham

wrote a brilliant, honest essay that I heartedly recommend to everyone—those trying to conceive or not. It’s called Infertility: Surviving the Season of Joy. You might also turn to the works of

Rachel Katz

at

Inner Workings

and

Jennie Agg

at

Life, Almost

here on Substack.

The fertility awareness educator to whom I owe so much, Clara Bailey, talked about writing yourself a letter for this time. She recommends writing it during ovulation—your inner summer, when you are still living in the possibility of conception occurring —and with the energy of that season giving yourself whatever you think you’ll need to hear if your blood comes. In this letter, you can tenderly care for your potential future self and give the insight only you can give.

In summary:

There’s a lot to do this season. The check lists can be long. But please don’t leave yourself off of it.

Many of us are at our tenderest when we bleed. We deserve care and that is something we have to claim, cultivate, and guard. Whatever you can do—no matter how small—do it. If you live with other people, communicate to them what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. These can be difficult conversations because we haven’t had practice at them. But remember: if you had a stomach ache or a cold you would tell someone and ask for support, right? Menstruation is just another, essential bodily function.

So happy menstruation to you! May your new cycle be merry and bright (red)!

Resources:

Cycles by Amy J. Hammer

Moon Time by Lucy H. Pearce

1.

2. This is a framework of looking at the different phases of the menstrual cycle as different seasons. This makes the terrain of each season visceral. I follow a five seasons model that also aligns with the five elements. Menstruation is the inner winter. Pre-ovulation is the inner spring. Ovulation is the inner summer. Post-ovulation (unique to this model) is the inner late summer. And we round it out with the pre-menstrual time, the inner autumn.

3. For the curious, it’s actually not just blood. It’s a mixture of blood, endometrial cells, vaginal secretions, enzymes, proteins from immune cells, stem cells, and microbes.

4. It delays it by a few days, which is not the end of the world, but something I’d rather avoid.

5. Many wonderful reading recommendations were made in the comments on this essay.

6. She is not currently practicing, to my knowledge.