Have You Talked About Menstrual Cycles Today?
If not, would you like to?
This is the first edition of my bi-weekly newsletter, which will come out every other Wednesday. It’s a collection of personal reflections, resources for and about cyclical living, and prompts for connecting with cycles of all kinds.
How many conversations have you had about menstrual cycles lately?
My guess is not many. (If I’m wrong, please tell me. Also, can we be friends?)
Since starting this Substack about menstrual cycles (among other things) I have found, of course, that I want to talk about it in my real life. And while I do talk my husband’s ear off with tales of cervical mucus and endometrial lining, it’s interesting to find I am not quite so bold as I’d like to be bringing up the subject in public. I still find it difficult to vocalize something that makes some people so visibly uncomfortable.
I’ve said it to a couple people: “I’ve started a Substack about menstrual cycles and cyclical living.” And I can feel it happen. People tense up and shut down at one tiny word. Menstrual.
And I get it. Last week, I was at a yoga class on the second day of my cycle. Part way through I started to lightly cramp and I decided to not push it too much. After class the teacher (who I know well) asked how I did in the class. And for a moment I thought I would explain I didn’t do a pose or two because I was cramping. I would have explained if my back ached, or my knees were bothering me. But I didn’t say anything about my cramps.
Thinking about this, I remembered a few years ago seeing a gal who had a spot of period blood on the back of her sweatpants. Despite everything I knew—that it’s normal and healthy—I found myself feeling embarrassed for her. Did she know that stain was there and everyone in the whole cafe could see it? If the stain had been on her knee would I have felt the same? No. And how many other people have I seen with stains elsewhere on their paints? Many. But I don’t feel the same level of embarrassed for them.
Something so basic, natural, and healthy shouldn’t be this hard to talk about or so easy to feel embarrassment towards.
I’m not going to get into why I think this has happened today, but I’ll say this: It isn’t the blood. There’s plenty of that in movies and TV shows. I’m also not sure it’s the intimate nature of the body parts involved. We’re ok with people announcing pregnancies or acknowledging births, even though that too has an awful lot to do with vaginas. Jokes are made in mixed company about testicles and penises. Also films and shows can include some pretty spicy scenes that we watch with our friends, families and partners. House of the Dragon is ok but we can’t talk about periods?
Things being this way impacts all of us, regardless of whether we’re cyclical, menstruating beings or not.
Dr. Inga Winkler, activist, researcher, professor and coeditor of The Palgrave Handbook of Critical Menstruation Studies writes that the menstrual cycle is not only normal, it is fundamental:
“Menstruation unites the personal and the political, the intimate and the public, and the physiological and the socio-cultural.”1
On reading this, my first thought was: Ah, I guess that’s why it’s so difficult to talk about—the convergence of all these big things.
My second thought was: It unites all these big things! How powerful would it be if we talked about it freely, openly, and boldly?!
I think we can get there. If show creators can put very detailed depictions of violence, blood, sex and death on screen, then we shouldn’t stiffen at the mention of something menstrual. If we’d watch that, what is it about periods that makes the difference?
And what would happen if we left that discomfort behind?
I think everyone will be better off when that happens. I think menstruating people will live more liberated lives and have better qualities of life. We’ll have practice talking about it, and so will other people, making it possible for us to have clearer, more accurate conversations about it. I think it will improve relationships, partnerships, marriages. I think aid organizations will begin to include menstrual care products in their work with people in need (see one my links below). Maybe the period tax will even be ditched. Perhaps when we talk about it, laws, company policies and really culture at large can change to reflect the reality of menstruating people because the reality will be out in the open.
And that’s a short list of what I think talking about menstrual cycles can do. What it will do.
Until then, I’m here. Writing—and talking—about menstrual cycles.
Thoughts from my adventures in cyclical living
Trying to work with the inner seasons is a continual process. This inner winter (menstruation) I was determined to hunker down for a couple of hours. Stopping does not come naturally to me but I know that’s what my body needs in this time. So I made myself a cozy nook (see below) with 20+ library books, ginger tea, chocolate, notebooks, and my heating pad.
This is the first time I think my plan for inner winter has come to even partial fruition. Did it solve everything? No. I still had waves of intense cramps and clotting that made me want to escape from my body. I struggled through the rest of the first day. (And I only got to three of those books.) But on a subtler level my nervous system didn’t get frazzled like it usually would and I moved through the cramps, irritation, and fatigue calmly, instead of crashing on the other side.
Also I was reminded during this inner winter about that wellness trend that says you need to analyze the body’s cravings for what they “really mean.” My tolerance for bullshit is generally rather low but this can dip into the negative range during menstruation. So I got a little fired up when I received an email from one of the “big” menstrual health product companies (not gonna name names) about that very thing. As so often happens, carbs are one of the big offenders and the email said you need to be concerned if you crave carbs. And I think that’s misleading.2 Carbs are necessary for energy production and they taste really good. Wanting carbs doesn’t mean I have imbalanced blood sugar or that I need B vitamins. And I certainly don’t need to purchase supplements from the aforementioned company to remedy this issue. Thanks to fertility awareness charting and general health awareness, I’ve got an eye on things already and I don’t need to decode my cravings in search of hidden messages.3
So it was rather serendipitous that a craving for sourdough hit me on both the first day of my cycle and the day the local bakery reopened after a hiatus. My body spoke up and I listened. I made some toast and fired back an email to said menstrual health co.
Staying aware of the larger rhythms in the world can help connect us with our own cyclical patterns. Plus, we can’t escape nature’s cycles so why not join them?
The moon was full this past Sunday. Today it’s a waning gibbous. Also, where I am in the northern hemisphere, we’re nearing spring perhaps more swiftly than usual. My brother (a farmer) and I are both noticing bulbs up, herbs returning, evergreens yellowing, and he’s seen holes in the ground from nesting insects emerging. It isn’t the right time for any of this and I’m not sure how to feel.
Have you noticed a shift to the next season where you are? If so, is it on time, earlier, or later than you’d expect?
Resources for and about cyclical living.
I appreciated The Herbal Womb Wisdom’s episode on vitex that came out recently. I see vitex thrown around a lot as the “go to” for any kind of hormonal issue in cyclical bodies. Even some more mainstream sources or people without herbal training are recommending it like it’s a simple OTC drug. But plant medicine doesn’t work like drugs. In this episode of her podcast, Kay’aleya lays it all out to give you a deeper picture of what vitex can do, might do, and who it could be for.
Amy J. Hammer’s new book Cycles came out yesterday and I am excited. It’s all about, “the science of periods, why they matter, and how to nourish each phase.” GOOD STUFF. Amy’s first book, How to Grow a Baby, is an absolute joy and I highly recommend it to everyone, whether procreation is part of your plans or not. My copy of Cycles arrived over the weekend and I’m diving into. I will report back.
This article came my way this week. It brings to attention the horrendous conditions for menstruating people at the US-Mexico border and really the situations for menstruating people in all kinds of crisis situations. This is something which is not considered enough, including by organizations providing aid.
There’s a gal in Scotland trying to create on-the-go menstrual cup kits for menstrual needs when there are no restrooms around.
Dr. Jen Gunter had a good assessment of the whole Thinx situation, if you’re trying to figure out what to do about that.
I realized this bleed that I’ve somehow overlooked hot water bottles as a cramp soothing solution. How have I done this??? What a mistake! Have you ever seen anything more delightfully old timey?
On a whim in January, I bought a red pen from Fiddlehead Art Supply in Belfast, Maine. I’ve been using it to journal on the days when I’m bleeding.4 The idea is that there’s a particular wisdom to be tapped into when you’re bleeding, and when you journal in red on those day you can easily return to those entries/wisdom. Whether I’m more wise during my bleed remains to be seen, but I’m enjoying the ritual. I think it might be interesting to also use a red pen, red text, or red tagging to mark out things in your planner/calendar to remind yourself: Hey, you’re probably gonna be bleeding on these days. Give yourself some grace and space. If red doesn’t feel right for your inner winter/bleed then use whatever color reminds you of that time.
Finally, I’ve been practicing this exercise for two years and it helps me ride the waves of life and of my cycle.
A reflection prompt
Take a minute to pause. Maybe you’re not quite up for talking about menstrual cycles in public but can you take a minute to think about your own cycle and sink into what’s happening inside your own body? Where are you in your cycle today? Can you sit with that for moment and observe what that feels like?
If you don’t know where you are in your cycle, see if you can remember when your last period was. From there, count and estimate if you’re in the first portion of your cycle or the latter portion. Sit with this guess a minute and see how it feels. Maybe try to identify an inner season5 that feels relevant to you now and how that registers to your senses.
If you don’t have a cycle right now or ever, how can you connect to the bigger cycles of the world around you, or the cycles of your cyclically bodied partner?
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Cravings could be sign of nutrient deficiencies, but many things could be. And since cravings happen for many reasons other than nutrient deficiencies, it seems misguided to think we can crack the code that way. Instead, maybe look at your diet and lifestyle see if you’re regularly lacking nutrients. Do you each a diverse diet or do you eat the same thing day after day? Do you eat a lot of processed foods? Do you live in the northern hemisphere and you seldom go outside in the winter? You can also go to your doctor and ask for a complete metabolic profile and other testing.
I think this practice comes from Lara Owen in Her Blood is Gold but I’ve also seen Claire Baker mention it.
