I’ve decided I’m going to try closing out the months with the things that have helped me, inspired me or intrigued me as I continue to do the work of embracing cyclical living.
Here’s what we have for May! Some podcasts, some books, some essays, local wildlife and a life changing speculum experience! It’s all shaped how I move through the present cycles of nature and my body. Maybe you’ll find something here that strikes a cord with you.
I would love to hear what has been inspiring or challenging you to live cyclically!
The conversation between Becca Piastrelli and Bear Herbert on Belonging came just at the right time for me. I need to listen to it again and take notes probably. Capitalism seems like/is such a behemoth, and Bear Herbert started to break it down for me. I feel more equipped to start learning more. I’m also just starting to explore Becca Piastrelli’s work and I love her open hearted curiosity that mixes with clear-eyed resolve. I had her book, Root & Ritual, out of the library this month and didn’t get through nearly enough of it before it had to go back.
I enjoyed this podcast episode Erin Holt had with Dr. Jolene Brighten, and once I get through some things on my reading list I’ll probably get Brighten’s new book. This is a very frank conversation about sex and all the anatomy involved and I am here for it. (Funny story: when my phone connects to the Bluetooth in my car sometimes it automatically plays whatever I was listening to last at whatever volume the car is set to. I listened to half of this episode one day and the next morning at 7am I got in my car. When I paired my Bluetooth this was the first thing in the queue. Apparently the part I stopped listening at had something to do with “penetrative sex.” And my cars volume was…well, not quiet. So if any of my neighbors were within earshot at that hour of the morning I hope they got a good laugh out it. I know I did.)
There’s a warning before the episode, because of course there is. It was little more directed though; not the vague message I’m used to on, say, This American Life. It said it was “not a conversation for for little ears.” Which, while perhaps true, felt odd but I don’t fault the host. There wasn’t anything raunchy about, technically. Mostly, Erin Holt and Brighten were talking in stark, anatomical terms, though perhaps they were speaking more boldly than many people are used to hearing. But I’ve long found it odd that so many of us are ok with kiddos watching objectively violent things like Marvel movies but a frank discussion of sex and the organs involved is a no. Violence is ok to see but stories and information about pleasure and reproduction is a no? When exactly does that mindset and division end, I wonder? How does this affect people into adulthood? (I know it affected/affects me still, at thirty.) How and when do most of us get truly comfortable talking about this and speaking with anatomically correct language, fully informed about the biology we have the biology we interaction with?
Anyway, if you don’t mind hearing the words “penetrative sex” then maybe give this a listen. They mention of conservative Christianity’s destructive attitude to women’s bodies, which I really loved. Having grown up in evangelical churches, this is a topic I’d like to get into but I’m trying to figure out what exactly what take would be
On that note, maybe you saw that speculum in my image from the month’s first post? Maybe you’re wondering what that’s about? Well, I bought it a few months back from Beautiful Cervix Project. It comes as a little kit: speculum (multiple sizes available), mirror, flash light. It’s for observing your cervix on your own. This was taking bodily awareness perhaps further than I’ve taken it before, but it was also about bodily autonomy. Like many people, I’ve had traumatic experiences with speculums. Just holding it and hearing the noise of ratcheting it open made my hairs stand up a bit. But I wanted to give it a go. I was also curious to be able to see my cervix because why not! It’s an amazing bit of anatomy.
So I put it off for a good long while (I think I bought the speculum in February) but I finally did it. Every single time I’ve had a pelvic exam with a speculum I’ve been in tortuous pain. In fact, I was diagnosed with pelvic floor dysfunction. But when I inserted this speculum on my own: nothing. Easy. Painless. No tears. Clicking it open was tricky from the angle I was at, but I did it. Again, easy. And then with the mirror I could see my cervix, which is wild. To see this little, powerful structure in my body was very neat indeed.
And now in the future I think I’ll request to insert the speculum myself during pelvic exams. I’ve heard of women doing this and I think it makes a lot of sense. Are my doctors going to be totally on board with it? Who knows, but it’s my body. It’s also taught me something about the sensations my body is giving me and why. When it feels safe there’s no pain.
Oh and this too is on that note: I was honored to be quoted in Rae Katz’s recent essay Deep Dive: How Sex Hormones Affect More Than Just PMS. I truly love Rae’s writing and recommend all of it.
I picked up a library copy of this great little book after hearing about it on a recent episode of Becca Piastrelli’s aforementioned podcast. Reading it has only whet my appetite for more and I’ve gotten a copy of Federici’s book Caliban & the Witch. Have you read it? I hear it’s a bit academic and hard to get through but I’m too intrigued not to try. Any other recommendations for books in similar veins are appreciated, although it may take me time to get around to them.
I’ve been reading this small book on Traditional Chinese Medicine that I found at a library book sale for $1. I’m sure it’s not the finest source on the subject, but it’s giving me an overview and connecting bits and pieces of info I’ve heard about TCM over the years. I’m appreciating a window into another perspective of the body that is grounded in the natural world, elements, and energetics.
Reader Hannah Levy shared this wonderful poem—“The Wild Iris” by Louise Glück—in the comments on Almost, Nearly, Not-Quite. It just so happened too that irises are some of my favorite flowers and they were in bloom when she shared this poem. Thank you, Hannah! I also want to share her reflection on silence because I deeply appreciated it.
Lindsey’s essay Department of Earthly Gifts also really struck a cord for me. I highly recommend everything she writes.
Also, I must give a nod to farmers markets. They are certainly helping me live cyclically. I am so grateful to live within walking distance of one where I can get chemical free produce, local meat, local cheese and local honey. This is something which should not be privilege but I’m well aware of how much it is. I want us all to be engage with the seasons in this way.
The way I’ve been able to engage with nature has really shifted this month. I think with what I’ve been writing and reading for the past few months there’s been a mindset change. I’m feeling more a part of the world I’m walking through rather than just being a human walking through it. Above is some kind of cedar I think (I haven‘t identified it yet—help me out if you can!) that I like to visit. It’s in a spot where I can just stand with trees and not get weird looks or hear cars and such. When I visited after a while I away I spotted this tiny smiley.
Lastly, two Carolina wrens made a nest in a box of junk in our carport and the eggs hatched this month. We got to see the baby birds fly off very suddenly one Sunday afternoon. It only took them eleven days to get from hatching to flying! They were such a joy to observe. Apparently, Carolina wrens often mate for life and once they settle down in a place they stay. Sometimes their babes even come back to the same place to nest? So I’m hopeful we’ll have wrens here for a while, though hopefully we can get them a proper house and not a box of stuff cleaned out of a car that sat for the entirety of covid.
A recap of this month’s essays:
I’m curious…
🌀What has helped you engage with the seasons and cycles of your life this month?
🌀Please advise me on my next read!